Why We Are Members
By: Todd Kobernick

December 9, 2017 - 21 Kislev 5778
Parasha: Vayeshev

I was asked to speak about why Deena and I joined and have remained members at Congregation Beth Am. I am humbled to have received this honor. In our congregation we have former and current elected officials who make important decisions, neurosurgeons, doctors, judges, lawyers, therapists, teachers, professors, members of the military, mothers, fathers, and people who work locally and globally, doing good and kind acts, creating a better world. I am honored to be selected from among these important and decent individuals to speak today.

Positive Jewish experiences and community.  For Deena and me, these are the primary reasons we originally joined and have remained members at Congregation Beth Am.  We are devoted to a Jewish lifestyle and are committed, Conservative Jews.  Sounds simple and it’s the truth. 

Deena and I joined Beth Am, with our two daughters about 24 years ago.  We were not part of the founding members, but we joined before the Beth Am community moved to this beautiful home in Carmel Valley.  Before I share explain the reasons we joined and have remained at Beth Am, I want to share some family history.

Deena grew up the youngest child of a Rabbinic family, the daughter of two wonderful parents who escaped the coming Holocaust in 1939.   She thrived as a Rabbi’s child.  She was involved in her synagogue, USY, Camp Ramah, Hebrew High, Young Judea, filling her life with positive Jewish experiences.  And, some of the people she grew with up are also members of Beth Am.  Deena knew this cute little kid – sometimes she still refers to him as Joshy – whose father was a Rabbi and whose maternal great grandfather was the Chofetz Chayim.  If you don’t know Joshy and his wife Leslie Mereminsky, you should get to know these two mensches.  And, Deena’s mother, of blessed memory, before she met her husband almost seven decades ago, worked at a summer camp with Bella Dalin, also of blessed memory, whose son and daughter in law, Rabbi Ralph and Hedy Dalin are members here.  In addition, a grandfather of Beth Am member Julie Bear, Rabbi Sidney Guthman, said one of the sheva berachot (seven blessings) at our wedding.  There are several current and former members of Beth Am whose marriage ceremonies were performed by Deena’s father, zichrono livracha.  These connections help create the community which Deena and I love.

I am a native San Diegan, third generation Californian and I grew up at Temple Beth Israel. Both my parents were actively involved in both the San Diego Jewish and non-Jewish communities. They raised my siblings and me with a positive attitude about being Jewish, integrating Jewish observance with modern attitude and behavior.  They served as positive role models- my Mother continues in this role. There are many current and former Beth Am members who I have known for decades. One was my babysitter, one went to her Senior prom with my brother, one had a son with whom I played little league - and there are many others.   One reason we remain members at Beth Am is the decades long history of connections with individuals who are part of the Beth Am community.

As Deena and I started a family, it was important to us to blend Judaism with modernity in our home.  As our kids were growing up, every Friday night, our family had Shabbat dinner, told stories and shared a modern yet traditional Shabbat experience.  IN addition to Jewish observance at home, it was important for our kids to be engaged in the larger Jewish community.  Our children, Elana and Talia, went to JLC, USY, Camp Ramah and Israel.  Elana spent a few years working in the Jewish community in New York and in San Diego before going to graduate school.  Talia cooks traditional Jewish foods for Jewish holidays for both her Jewish and non-Jewish friends.  Something went right.

Deena and I believe that Judaism is a full contact sport, er… way of life.  We accept the notion that Judaism and receiving fulfillment though being Jewish requires us to commit to active involvement.   Yiddishkeit at home is the cornerstone of the foundation of our Jewish lives.  We also believe active involvement in the synagogue and community at large is important.  When I look out at this congregation, I am proud to be able to say that Beth Am members are involved in a variety of local, national and international Jewish organizations.  We should be proud of the depth of involvement of our members and staff in these many organizations. 

Spirituality and prayer are vehicles to enrich our neshamot – our souls.  Through the years, Beth Am has offered different types of prayer services to meet the needs of its membership.  These include Rockin’ Shabbat, Campfire Shabbat, Family Kabbalat Shabbat and for those of us who remember, a meditation prayer service.  Almost two decades ago, a small group of Beth Am members spoke with Rabbi Zuckerman about holding a more traditional minyan on Shabbat mornings.  Zucky agreed that new experiences under the auspices of Beth Am should be encouraged.  A few months later, we started that minyan, which now meets about 3 times per month and is called the Beit Midrash Minyan.   During the first year or 2 we usually had a minyan.  Now, on a regular basis, there are between 35 to 50 regulars.  These individuals are committed and involved - we are enriching and strengthening the entire Beth Am community.  The Beit Midrash minyan is a warm caring community.  Beth Am enabled the creation and continuation of this minyan. 

I happen to find prayer and my dialogues with God to be very intimate. I believe in the importance and impact that prayer can have on the world.   My commitment to Judaism is made easier because of my bright, supportive, knowledgeable, Judaically committed and beautiful wife.   Together, we believe in the importance of the moral and ethical underpinnings of Judaism.  Like many of the personalities we learn about in TaNaKh, we strive to be ethical and moral, understanding that along the way we may stumble. 

Since I mentioned ethical and moral behavior, I want to say a bit about the Parshat HaShavua, which is VaYeishev.  For those of you who peeked, you know this portion contains the "Joseph Narrative." We learn how Joseph, the son of Jacob and Rachel (and Jacob’s favorite child) has dreams, how his dreams showed that his brothers will bow before him, the resentment of his brothers and the ultimate Game of Thrones like plotting and scheming. Rather than simply killing their brother, Judah, the 4th son of Jacob, suggests selling Joseph into slavery would be better. Then, these conniving and scheming brothers told their father that Joseph is dead. Joseph goes down to Egypt and works for a high ranking official, is solicited by this official's wife and unlike so many officials in today's news, rebuts her advances ending up in jail. Though not the point of my comments, maybe this type of negative result is what some of these women in the news today were concerned if they disclosed unwanted advances. But that is for another talk.  Back to the Torah portion.  Then, before we continue the Joseph Narrative, the story takes a major break to tell us about Judah – remember him – the fourth son.

We learn that Judah left his home, travelled to a new area, meets a woman, gets married and has three sons.  His eldest son marries and before he and his wife, Tamar, can have a child, the son dies.  So, according to custom and tradition, Tamar marries Judah’s second son.  It doesn’t go so well for the second son and he dies before having a child with Tamar.  Now, Tamar is supposed to marry the next son.  While Judah agrees to the marriage, he wants to wait a while before Tamar marries the youngest son.  Tamar moves back in with her folks for a while.  After delays, it becomes clear that Judah is not keen on Tamar marrying his youngest son, so she takes matters into her own hands.  Tamar decides that she will trick Judah into, well, becoming the father of her children.  So, Tamar disguises herself and goes on a date; Judah doesn’t realize that Tamar is his “date”.  And, well, intimate things happened.  A few months later, Tamar is pregnant, is accused of having relations outside of marriage –behavior punishable by death, and, before he knows all of the facts, Judah agrees that this woman, who did not realize was bearing his child, should be put to death for this behavior.  Confronted with the truth, Judah could have denied his wrongdoing.  After all, the community would be more likely to believe Judah than Tamar.  But, we see Judah act as a leader, as the type of person our sages teach us to admire.  He accepts his responsibility, acknowledges the truth of Tamar’s words, acknowledges and accepts Tamar as his wife, and that he is the father of Tamar’s unborn child.  Judah was not perfect, but he accepts his responsibility, he acts ethically and morally when faced with a compromising, embarrassing situation.  The story of Judah is a lesson in human frailty while at the same time teaching the moral development of an important Jewish leader.  As his actions after this story reflect, Judah has matured into a mensch, a leader, and a model of Jewish morals, ethics and values.  The story of Judah is about genuine leadership, the conflicting choices people make, the errors made along the way and how each of us can rise above our own mistakes, becoming decent people and perhaps leaders. But, this important story is not over, Tamar gave birth to twin boys.  A direct descendant of Tamar and Judah is King David.  What a reward for acting morally and ethically.  Morality and ethical behavior – what a refreshing concept for our politicians and people in power.

Do we have issues with the synagogue, with decisions made and other matters?  Sure.  Doesn’t every synagogue have issues?  You can ask the Rabbis about issues I have raised– we have spoken frequently and often about some of these issues.  But, while I have taken issue with important positions the Rabbis  have shared or with policies and decisions at Beth Am our Rabbis and leadership are approachable and are committed Jews.  Dialoguing these issues is how we grow and strengthen the community.  As an aside, you are missing insights to Judaism if you don’t participate in the Beit Midrash class, led by Rabbi Kornberg or the lunch and learns led by Rabbi Earne – and, it’s okay to share a Shabbat morning with them.  No, really, I’m not joking.   

Rabbis Kornberg and Earne would teach us that Jewish values and ethics lay a foundation for discussing the issues of the world.  Let’s make a communal decision to engage in serious discussion on serious issues as Jews.  We can agree or disagree, but as a community we should engage.  Together, as a community, we can grapple with these issues and dialogue as mature, human beings.  These discussions can occur during tefilot, in your Beth Am Chavura, during formal programs designed for these discussions or during lunch after Shabbat morning services.  Kol haKavod to the Beth Am leadership for offering these Shabbat afternoon lunches.

One last story and then I am done – no really!  I will make it somewhat quick.  More than thirty-seven years ago, I was asked by my good friend Steve Brotman to be in his wedding.  I was honored and had no other commitments that day, so I said “sure.”  His bride, Roz Schaevel also had asked some of her friends to be in the wedding.   So, who did I meet at the wedding and walk down the aisle with at Steve and Roz’ wedding – my wife.  Really! And, her father was performing the wedding ceremony.  And yes, Steve and Roz are members at Beth Am.  Oh, so about two and a half years ago, Roz and Steve’s middle son, Michael, was getting married.  At that wedding, our daughter Elana met a fellow who grew up at Beth Am, Gregg Rabinowitz.  Did I mention that Elana and Gregg are getting married at Beth Am this next year?  Connections.  Friends.  This idea of Jewish community and positive experiences does pay off.

In closing, the reason Deena and I, and our two daughters joined Beth Am was to be part of a vibrant, positive and active Jewish community.  This is also the reason we have stayed. 

Shabbat Shalom.